D struggles

It was only yesterday when I swore to revolutionise my spending habits. But today, my shopaholic nature regained control over my body once more and showed it's ugly side.

Six months ago, there was conflict over a facebook status. My friend had her anti-cigarette status on; "Smokers are inconsiderate, unhealthy to all those who don't even smoke". Well that had her smoker friends yelling at her. Today I felt the same sentiments of a fellow smoker. No, I do not smoke, and I will never go over to the unhealthy side. But, I do feel pity for the smokers who are currently in a pinch. It seems like day by day, the world is trying to corner these smokers. No smoking in public spaces, in buildings, in bars, in hospitals, no smoking zones, no smoking anywhere. Sooner or later there will be no smoking signs everywhere, and these smokers will have no where else to run. Pushed up against a wall like a cornered crook with police sirens ringing in the air, policemen with guns pointing at your direction, a commanding voice bellows "We've got you surrounded! Drop that cigarette! Hands up in the air!"


I may be going overboard with my metaphor, but it is the perhaps the feeling of a person being reprimanded for doing something they like but not necessarily good. Simply put, nobody likes to be told to stop doing what they like. I like to spend money. I simply cannot accept it when some one tells me to stop spending money. It's my money why shouldn't I spend it?


There are many cases in which I realised that I've pushed friends away because of this. Once in IKEA, I wanted to look around for household furniture. I did not need anything specifically, but looking would never hurt now would it? My friend, X, was growing impatient with me. X snapped at me, saying that I could not buy anything else because I apparently have too much stuff, and it would not fit in the car.

I had a mental explosion.


LET ME FUCKING SHOP!


I'm not going to buy anything! I just want to take a look. Let me be!

Of course, I did not say all this, because X was our driver and it would not be nice to snap at our driver would it? But I did become sour for the rest of the day. But the fact is, X was right. I do have a lot of stuff. I could not have possibly fit anything else in the car. I should not have looked around. X was right, and I was wrong. However, it did also cause an inevitable downturn in our friendship. I became spiteful towards X, and have started pushing X away.

This is unhealthy. I need to break free from my previous shopping habits and adopt a new and improved one. One that does not involve hurting friends. Ah, if only it were that simple. I wish I was a man. Or just less materialistic. How did I get this way? I'm a hoarder and compulsive shopper. I never think before purchasing. If I like it, I get it. If I don't get it, I'll go home and regret until I go back the next day with a new purchase and find my wallet with less bank notes and a new receipt! That's just how I roll.

I do not know what to do about it as of now, but I will prevail. I shall spend less, think before I splurge. Do I need it? Really really need it? Will I use it? How many times? Is there a better choice which is less expensive out there? I will think real hard before I buy. If not, just ignore it completely, and pretend I did not see that item was on sale....

This way, I save money and I keep my friends...