D struggles

It was only yesterday when I swore to revolutionise my spending habits. But today, my shopaholic nature regained control over my body once more and showed it's ugly side.

Six months ago, there was conflict over a facebook status. My friend had her anti-cigarette status on; "Smokers are inconsiderate, unhealthy to all those who don't even smoke". Well that had her smoker friends yelling at her. Today I felt the same sentiments of a fellow smoker. No, I do not smoke, and I will never go over to the unhealthy side. But, I do feel pity for the smokers who are currently in a pinch. It seems like day by day, the world is trying to corner these smokers. No smoking in public spaces, in buildings, in bars, in hospitals, no smoking zones, no smoking anywhere. Sooner or later there will be no smoking signs everywhere, and these smokers will have no where else to run. Pushed up against a wall like a cornered crook with police sirens ringing in the air, policemen with guns pointing at your direction, a commanding voice bellows "We've got you surrounded! Drop that cigarette! Hands up in the air!"


I may be going overboard with my metaphor, but it is the perhaps the feeling of a person being reprimanded for doing something they like but not necessarily good. Simply put, nobody likes to be told to stop doing what they like. I like to spend money. I simply cannot accept it when some one tells me to stop spending money. It's my money why shouldn't I spend it?


There are many cases in which I realised that I've pushed friends away because of this. Once in IKEA, I wanted to look around for household furniture. I did not need anything specifically, but looking would never hurt now would it? My friend, X, was growing impatient with me. X snapped at me, saying that I could not buy anything else because I apparently have too much stuff, and it would not fit in the car.

I had a mental explosion.


LET ME FUCKING SHOP!


I'm not going to buy anything! I just want to take a look. Let me be!

Of course, I did not say all this, because X was our driver and it would not be nice to snap at our driver would it? But I did become sour for the rest of the day. But the fact is, X was right. I do have a lot of stuff. I could not have possibly fit anything else in the car. I should not have looked around. X was right, and I was wrong. However, it did also cause an inevitable downturn in our friendship. I became spiteful towards X, and have started pushing X away.

This is unhealthy. I need to break free from my previous shopping habits and adopt a new and improved one. One that does not involve hurting friends. Ah, if only it were that simple. I wish I was a man. Or just less materialistic. How did I get this way? I'm a hoarder and compulsive shopper. I never think before purchasing. If I like it, I get it. If I don't get it, I'll go home and regret until I go back the next day with a new purchase and find my wallet with less bank notes and a new receipt! That's just how I roll.

I do not know what to do about it as of now, but I will prevail. I shall spend less, think before I splurge. Do I need it? Really really need it? Will I use it? How many times? Is there a better choice which is less expensive out there? I will think real hard before I buy. If not, just ignore it completely, and pretend I did not see that item was on sale....

This way, I save money and I keep my friends...

the story of D

There once lived  a 23 year old fish who jumped from a small pond to the big vast ocean. No, a small pond would not even begin to justify it. The fish was bred and bought from a store and kept in a nice fishbowl all it's life. Until now. This fish had everything a fish could ever want. A beautiful fishbowl with man-made imitation algae, pink coral sand on the bottom and even a fake castle to swim by everyday! This fish had keepers who would NEVER forget to feed it it's top of the range fish food and ALWAYS change the water in the fishbowl. It was a blissful life! But one day, this fish got really bored and decided that there was an ocean out there somewhere.. Jumping in the toilet and hoping to get flushed down to liberation would be an awfully exciting adventure!


So one day, that fish took a big gulp of water and bravely jumped outside it's bowl and into the toilet bowl. At first, the fish was overwhelmed by the excitement that filled it's tiny brain that it did not occur to think of the consequences of jumping. Where to land? What's the purpose? Was it worth it? What to do next? No matter, the fish was having fun. LOADS of FUN.


However, no one told the fish that someone would have to flush the toilet for it and neither did they tell it about the perils of the long and winding sewage pipes. The fish realised that the lack of a flush sound meant that it must still be in the toilet bowl (and looking at the its crowded white tubular surroundings, it was obvious it was in the toilet bowl) and the only way to get flushed is when the next human relieved themselves. The fish prayed for it's sending to be a quick and small one.

The ocean, often just described as big and blue. The fish realised that it was not in the ocean yet, for it was not big nor was it blue. How it got there was a big blur. The ordeal was so traumatizing that all memories from that incident was blocked from it's tiny little head. Where it currently was, is a place that reeked of excrement, dark and disgusting. The fish felt an instant wash of regret coursing through it's scales. Why oh why did it leave it's pretty fish bowl?

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I am that fish. I am lost in a topsy-turvy life of human excrement, looking for that big blue ocean which everyone talks about but knows next to nothing about.

I've been living a hedonistic and irresponsible lifestyle for 23 years. Up till recently, it has been good. Very good. Almost too good infact. But last night, life decided to wake me up with reality. Yes, it bit me in the ass. FINANCIALLY.

One can say that I am one of the very many young females who comes out to the city and is encaptured by the glitzy, fabulous and glamorous urban lifestyle. So much so, that I am overwhelmed with expenses and debt. I am a less exaggerated version of Becky Bloomwood, aka Shopaholic from Confessions of a Shopaholic.

But that's going to stop today! This blog will be about me being trendy without being costly, my struggle with saving money and growing up. I am D - a girl with a huge hole in her wallet. Despite my overly-dramatic narration about my long (not to mention smelly) way to the great big vast ocean, life isn't too bad for me... I am surrounded by friends who make life smelling like roses for me. Together with my friend C, who is my saviour, sister and bestfriend rolled into one; we shall go on a life-learning journey.

This is my life and I shall gain control over it.